


Garbage In, Garbage Out

by KellerProcess



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Crowley goes blah blah blah, Hastur and Ligur are ridiculously in love, He/Him pronouns for Crowley, Other, She/Her Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens), She/Her Pronouns for Hastur (Good Omens), They/Them Pronouns for Disposable Demon, and are massive trolls, and are massively horny, he/him pronouns for Ligur, interminable meetings in hell, no beta we scream like Hastur, not very crowley-friendly, rated m because there are swears and references to boinking, she/her pronouns for Dagon, we love you Crowley but Hastur and Ligur don't like your 1970s PowerPoints
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:41:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23878588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KellerProcess/pseuds/KellerProcess
Summary: Hastur actually knows what a computer is.Crowley doesn’t know that she knows.No one wants to hear about Crowley’s latest Deed of the Day.Shenanigans ensue.
Relationships: Hastur/Ligur
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Garbage In, Garbage Out

Hastur read the memo Dagon had left on her desk. Reread it. Then promptly shoved it in her mouth for a good long angry chew.

She hadn’t had a good long angry chew all day, and an unscheduled presentation was reason enough to have one if ever there was.

From across the room, Ligur looked up from reading his copy of the memo as Hastur swallowed and whacked a belch from her chest.

“I know,” he said as he stood from his desk. “He’s got some nerve, Crawley does, interrupting our day with his bullshit.”

Hastur thumped her chest again and made a face. “Why’s it that the paper down here always tastes like mold?” she asked as Ligur crossed the room. “Not that I don’t like mold,” she amended with a moue. “But … y’know. Not with that papery taste on top of it.”

“Mh,” Ligur agreed as he stopped in front of her. “No one likes that.”

“No one at all.” Hastur pouted harder. “Can you believe it, though? We’re due to tempt that mayor at four p.m. sharp! And of course he’s going to run overtime, the blaggard.” She grabbed for the pack of cigarettes on her desk and yanked one from it. “Fuck all.”

“Shh, love,” Ligur soothed, wrapping her hand up in his before she could set her fingers on fire. “You catch your sleeve on fire when you get like this.”

Hastur grumbled as he pressed a kiss to her lips.

“No one should be makin’ my girl frown like that. But don’t you worry none.”

“Oh?” Hastur asked, all innocence and sugar as Ligur raised her hand to his lips.

“Mh. Because soon as this is over and we’ve got our work done, I’ll erase it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It won’t be fuck all, so much as me fuckin’ you all the ways that I know.”

“Mh, won’t that be nice.” Hastur slid her arms around Ligur’s waist. It was so sturdy, so thick.

So _Ligur_.

“Come to think of it,” Ligur murmured as his hands moved to the knot of Hastur’s belt. “We’re not due in conference room six-six-five for, oh, another five minutes.”

“That so?” Hastur reached for the buckle on his belt. “Well, that’s time enough for a quickie, innit?”

“Maybe two if you keep lookin’ at me that way?”

“Hm. Yeah.” 

“Right, you two,” Dagon barked from the doorway just as Ligur leaned in to kiss her. “Get your hands off each other’s bits and move your arses! The boss wants this thing over as fast as possible.”

“It’s Crawley, Dags,” Ligur said from where he’d buried his face against the crook of Hastur’s neck. “What’s the point of bein’ a few minutes late when we’ll likely be there ’til the boss breaks the projector to shut him up?”

“For the fifth time this year,” Hastur added as she slid her hands down his back. “Or is it the sixth?”

“Who knows,” Ligur grunted as he did the same. “Who can tell? They all bleed into each other after a while.”

The fact the prince had to let Crowley fanny about for at least an hour before cutting him off was a real pain in the arse. Unfortunately, their master just loved Crowley’s weird ideas, so this was one of the rare occasions where he overruled her, and that was that.

“Just get moving,” Dagon grumbled before stomping out of the room.

“She’s in a mood,” Hastur said as she stepped away from Ligur.

“Reckon we all are.”

“Hm,” Hastur agreed as she grabbed her cigarettes and shoved them into a pocket. “Sooner we get this done—”

“Sooner I’ll do you against our favorite mausoleum.”

“Yeah.” Hastur grinned.

Ligur’s grin was just as fierce and ravenous.


End file.
